Christian Parenting: What's the Goal?

I'm a parent. I've got three kids, and at the time of this writing I have a teen, a pre-teen, and one of those “7-going-on-25” types. I don't parent perfectly, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought and prayed through what parenting should look like.

When my oldest was 7-ish and my youngest was a baby, I really started to ask myself, What exactly am I supposed to be doing here? At the end of the day, I need to know what my goal is for parenting. What am I shooting for, and how will I know if I hit the target?

Now, I’m not going to pretend that what I came up with is the best answer. There are people smarter than me who have come up with other answers to these kinds of questions that are great. But I think that what I settled on is a parenting goal that’s biblically faithful and one that’s founded on God’s grace and wisdom. Here it is:

The goal of a Christian parent is to deposit the raw materials of Christianity into their children’s hearts and minds, and then to pray that God forges those raw materials into a life-long faith.

So, let me walk you through my answer and point some things out along the way that I hope will be helpful for you as you love and lead your kids.

The first thing I want to point out is really at the end: it’s God who does the heart-work in our kids. I think as parents it’s really tempting to take full responsibility for where our kids end up spiritually. Whether they’re rockstar Christians or they’ve walked away from Jesus, we can all fall into the trap of taking that outcome on ourselves. But just like the Apostle Paul’s church planting efforts, we have to come to a point where we understand that God is the one who gives the growth. Jesus says that it’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict and convince. 

We do have a job as parents, but it’s not the job of changing our kids’ hearts. Some of you are shouldering really, really heavy burdens for children who are not where you hoped they would be spiritually. Hear me when I say this: that isn’t your burden to carry, especially if your kid is an adult. Their relationship with God is their relationship with God. It’s not yours. We could talk about whether or not you did everything you should have done as a parent. But God is the one who shapes hearts. Entrust your child’s heart to God, and keep praying for them.

For you young parents with little littles, I think you can carry a burden, too. If I don’t do X, Y, Z perfectly, then my kid isn’t going to know God the way they should! Well, hold on. God has called you to parent well. There are things he wants you to be doing. But again, the outcome is between God and your child. He is the one who shapes hearts. God gives the growth. Do what you’re supposed to do as a parent. Then pray for your kids and let God work.

Now, let’s talk about prayer. Prayer must be a huge part of parenting. Parents should be praying for the souls of their kids. Parents should pray that God forms and shapes and molds the hearts of our kids into thrones for him to sit on. I think that’s a prayer that should always be part of our prayer lists. It’s something that should be on our lips from the time we know that we’re pregnant to the time the Lord takes us home. Praying, especially for God to work in their hearts, is one of the most powerful and important things we can do for our kids.

I also mention the raw materials of Christianity. I believe God has entrusted us with these raw materials, and it’s our responsibility as parents to take these raw materials and give them to our kids. Lord willing, we will get around two decades with our children as our dependents. That’s two decades-worth of opportunities to show and tell our kids who God is, what he’s like, what he wants from us, and why living for him is how we are designed to function best.

So, what are these raw materials? They are all the things that would “make” someone a Christian. First and foremost it’s the Gospel. That our sin destroys our relationship with God and that we deserve God’s wrath for our sin. But because God loves us, he sent his Son Jesus Christ to live perfectly, die sacrificially to pay for our sins, and rise again triumphantly to defeat death because we couldn’t do any of these things for ourselves. And when we believe these things and accept Christ as our Lord and Savior, we are reconciled to God and adopted into his household.  

As parents, we must teach our kids the Gospel. We must tell them why we need to be saved and how to be saved. Again, it’s not our job to make our kids accept the gospel. But it is our job to make sure our kids know it. 

The Gospel is the most important raw material of Christianity that we should deposit into our kids’ hearts and minds, but it’s not the only one. Accepting the Gospel will make someone a Christian, but there are other things that will make someone look like a Christian and we should teach our kids these things, too. Things like this:

how to read the Bible

how to pray

how to attend church faithfully

how to worship

how to apologize

how to ask for forgiveness

how to act and speak humbly

how to love our enemies

how to honor God with our money

how to respect others and their property

how to serve

There are more, but things like this are the raw materials of Christianity. The Gospel is how to become God’s people. These are how to look like God’s people, and our kids need to know these things. As parents, we need to tell our kids about these things. They need to be taught about these things. But more importantly, our kids need to see examples of these things. They need to see us, their parents, doing these things.

Again, I’m a parent, but I’m not perfect. I’m trying to do a good job of depositing these raw materials into my kids’ hearts and minds in the very brief time that I have them. I’m also praying that God will take all of these things that we’ve talked about over the years and forge them into a vibrant, life-long faith. The depositing phase will come to an end. Eventually the kids will be grown, and my influence over them will change. The prayer phase will never stop. I’m going to be asking God to move in their hearts for the rest of our lives.

This is the goal of Christian parenting. At the end of the day, if I’ve worked to deposit the raw materials of Christianity into my kids’ lives, I think I can say that I did what I was supposed to do. The rest is up to God.

But parents, don’t lose hope. I believe the Bible is clear that God is on our side. He wants us to succeed and he gives us everything we need to do a good job of depositing these raw materials. 

The Bible is at your fingertips. Read it and find encouragement.

The Holy Spirit lives in you. Submit to him and find guidance.

God is working. Pray to him and ask him to work in your kids.